Inside Silicon Valley’s Invite-Only IRL Dating Scene

“A lot of my events are referrals only,” says Spice King. “Every single time somebody comes in, we ask for their LinkedIn, and oftentimes for their ‘sponsor,’ the person who invited them. Then we cross-reference and basically check their network.”

Love Club, which was launched a year ago by Louise Ireland, cofounder of the cybersecurity platform Metabase Q, started as an invite-only WhatsApp group, which now has close to 120 members. The Club holds quarterly meetings at private residences around San Francisco, in which attendees discuss matters of the heart over snacks and drinks. The atmosphere is welcoming, and the chat group is active, with members frequently sharing links to other referral-based singles events.

Ironically, the interest in in-person dating events has been rising so swiftly in the Bay Area that even new dating apps and matchmaking platforms have turned to them. The new video-based dating platform Sable Dating threw an in-person, champagne-fueled event at a location that was only disclosed to attendees upon registration. Paloma occasionally hosts events for its members and for nonmembers to increase exposure, including a Date Week festival.

“The Bay Area doesn’t have as many social clubs as LA or NY, so people really crave connection,” says Paloma’s founder and CEO Luba Yudashina.

Look closer and you’ll find many more reasons why these types of events have been thriving in Silicon Valley in particular. According to Spice King, who has hosted events for the Forbes 30 Under 30 list, events with Harvard graduates, and events for people working in blockchain tech or AI, the critical component is a sense of security; “When you go on Tinder, you’re at the mercy of some randomness,” he says. “People want to feel the safety and comfort of a community. Tech tends to move like that too.”

Hoffman seconds this. “We see a really strong value placed on word of mouth, especially among men,” she says. “And we do get asked a lot if we vet or screen.” The Feels does not screen potential attendees, Hoffman says, but the somewhat steep price of $100 per ticket makes sure that attendees are “thoughtful about their dating life.” In other words, and as a unifying factor of these events, the vetting isn’t just about the person’s appearance or their social media presence. It’s also meant to weed out people with problematic reputations, or less than serious intentions—as Hoffman calls it, “folks in their ‘fuck around and find out’ phase.”

Anna Naidis, a San Francisco single in tech—she’s the cofounder of Aparti AI—has tried numerous in-person dating events in the Bay Area. As someone who has gone through many networking and pitching events for her startup, she sees why the tech scene is already primed for the in-person dating boom; small talk and ice-breakers come naturally to her. “It’s a transferable skill,” she jokes.

Hoffman has noticed that too. “In other places, we’ve seen people be really anxious about showing up with openness,” she says. “We haven’t had issues in the Bay.” Compared to raising a $1 million round for your startup, seeking love IRL isn’t nearly as intimidating.