Google’s Pixel Event Could Have Been an Email

On Tuesday, Google held its Pixel event showcase, where the company showed off its new Pixel 9 line of phones, Gemini AI and some other new tech. Keke Palmer and Jimmy Butler showed up, and those were just about all the highlights for me from an otherwise sleep-inducing event. 

Yeah, I heard that the “Gemini era is real,” that Google built “the most advanced tech stack in the cloud,” and that the Tensor G4 chip is the company’s “fastest and most efficient yet,” and if it weren’t for the pot of coffee coursing through my veins, I probably would’ve fallen asleep. I just don’t think Google showed a lot that’s significantly new or useful. The whole event could’ve been a news release posted online and emailed out.

I believe technology should solve some problem people wrestle with. So when Google’s Rick Osterloh shared that sentiment when discussing Gemini, my ears perked up a bit. Maybe I’d finally be excited about generative AI.

“I understand people’s skepticism,” Osterloh said. “There have been so many promises, so many coming-soons and not enough real world helpfulness when it comes to AI, which is why today we’re getting real.”

Alas, the issue never got real. Gemini’s helpfulness was undercut when it took a dump on stage during a live demo and when it was asked to create a workout from a personal trainer’s email — shouldn’t a personal trainer already do that? 

Gemini was also asked to create a K-pop playlist, which would be helpful if we didn’t already have Spotify playlists, called things like Dance K-Pop Mix and K-Pop Rising. And when Google’s Jenny Blackburn asked Gemini to come up with activities to do with her nieces and nephews, I couldn’t help but wonder why she wasn’t asking her nieces and nephews (or their parents) what they wanted to do. So, while Osterloh said Google would provide a “why” for AI, the presentation left me feeling unimpressed, and the question still haunts me.

Even the Pixel 9 phone line announcement bored me. It was focused on how the phones integrate Gemini, the specifications around the phones, and the new Tensor chip in the phones. That’s all fine, but it sounded at times like the presenters were just reading statistics you’d find in a device’s online description. 

Google’s Brian Rakowski said the Pixel 9 phones come with Gemini Nano with multimodality — which Rakowski said makes them three times more capable and sophisticated then devices launched a few months ago — and that the phones can generate up to 45 tokens per second. But what does any of that mean to someone like my mom or dad who just wants their device to work? Google said the Pixel 9 phones are more durable and have more memory than previous generations, which feels like the important stuff and all you need to say on that.

The Pixel Buds Pro 2 earbuds, also touted at the event, have longer battery life and better noise cancellation, Google said. That’s cool, but is there anything groundbreaking here? Not really. Just standard incremental improvements. 

The announcement about the Pixel Watch 3 feature that calls emergency services when the watch doesn’t detect a heartbeat was the only time during the whole event when I thought, “Oh, that’s really helpful.” It could save lives, and I’m happy it’s there and hope people use it.

Otherwise, I was bored throughout Google’s Pixel event, because nothing felt significant or particularly useful. There was no standout product or service that I’d call a game changer, like the original iPhone. And maybe that’s because tech companies have decided they need to have big showcases all the time. It’s fine to not have these huge events, and I imagine companies could also save money by not having them — after all, how much did they pay Palmer and Butler to show up on stage? 

I’m all for tech events, but unless they’re meaningful to the average user outside of the tech industry, or the new products are something wholly new and never seen before, just send out an email announcement, please.

You’re on notice, Apple.