Denny’s New Beetlejuice Menu Could Give You Sandworms

To promote Beetlejuice Beetlejuice coming to theaters this September 6, Denny’s has released “The Afterlife Menu,” four death-obsessed meals inspired by the Tim Burton film promising to “exorcize your appetite.” How does it stack up to the company’s previous Hobbit and Fantastic Four promotions? Let’s find out, together.

First up is the “Say It Three Times Slam,” a “bio-exorcist approved breakfast” (according to the restaurant) comprised of three silver dollar chocolate-chip pancakes dressed to the nines in vanilla cream and chocolate sauce—to reflect Beetlejuice’s iconic striped suit, naturally—then topped with green sprinkles, because he’s also a gangrenous corpse. Served alongside “three eggs cooked your way and three strips of crispy bacon,” the offer will be certain to inspire three trips to the nearest restroom.

Next on the menu is the “Afterlife Melt,” a grilled cheese sandwich stuffed with no less than five mozzarella sticks, evoking the image of a human hand trapped in a vise. Served with fries and tomato sauce, the item allows you to daub your severed appendage with gouts of “blood.”

Less inspired is the “Beetlejuicy Burger,” a massive sandwich comprised of “three strips of crispy bacon and three slices of Provolone cheese” that I doubt any (surviving) member of the Deetz clan would eat, even for novelty’s sake.

Finally, there’s the Cookies ‘N’ Scream Shake, a vanilla ice cream milkshake with Oreo cookies, whipped cream, and green sprinkles that honestly sounds pretty great to me. I can imagine my attorney and I sharing one of these as we draft my will.

Taken together, Denny’s unnecessary Beetlejuice menu is at least a little more thematically resonant than its previous Hobbit and Fantastic Four offers—the latter of which offered a four-cheese omelette and the “Invisible Woman slam,” a stack of pancakes “drizzled with a clear citrus glaze” which is, frankly, pushing it.

I’m also disappointed in Denny’s obsession with the number three this time around, instead of the Crypt Keeper-esque puns the character is heir to. Pancakes that have been “berried alive,” perhaps, or the option to have a sandwich served “open casket,” so all your friends can see what you ordered and pay their respects. While I’m not sure how appetizing the American moviegoing public will find Beetlejuice-inspired breakfast foods (especially after seeing the movie!), I suppose we could all use a place to meet up and contemplate our mortality over black coffee.

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