Cards Against Humanity Is Suing Elon Musk For $15 Million

Cards Against Humanity, LLC–publisher of the raunchy card game of the same name–has announced plans to sue Elon Musk after the spacefaring billionaire allegedly dumped waste from SpaceX’s production plant onto protected land owned by Cards Against Humanity.

The notoriously snarky card game company announced the suit in a rather unorthodox manner, creating a website called ElonOwesYou100Dollars.com, which provides details regarding the suit.

“We have terrible news,” reads a humorously blunt statement on the site’s landing page. “Seven years ago, 150,000 people paid us $15 to protect a pristine parcel of land on the US-Mexico border from racist billionaire Donald Trump’s very stupid wall. Unfortunately, an even richer, more racist billionaire–Elon Musk–snuck up on us from behind and completely f**ked that land with gravel, tractors, and space garbage.”

“Just look at it!” the statement continues, following photos of the land in 2017 versus its current state. “He f**ked it.”

The story of how protected land became an unofficial dumpster for SpaceX is quite simple: According to Cards Against Humanity, Musk just started dumping SpaceX’s waste there, and once caught, issued Cards Against Humanity with an ultimatum.

“Elon Musk’s SpaceX was building some space thing nearby, and he figured he could just dump his shit all over our gorgeous plot of land without asking,” alleges Cards Against Humanity. “After we caught him, SpaceX gave us a 12-hour ultimatum to accept a lowball offer for less than half our land’s value.”

So how did Cards Against Humanity respond?

“We said, ‘Go f**k yourself, Elon Musk. We’ll see you in court.'”

The statement goes on to announce that Cards Against Humanity is suing Musk for $15 million.

“If we win, we’ll equally split the lawsuit’s net proceeds among all 150,000 of our original subscribers, up to $100 each,” the site states, explaining its unique URL. “While this isn’t enough to compensate our subscribers for the anguish they’ve suffered witnessing Elon Musk defile their once-verdant land–where wild horses galloped freely in the Texas moonlight–we think it’s a pretty good start.”

“Even if Musk un-f**ks our land, that doesn’t un-f**k the damage he’s done to our reputation,” Cards Against Humanity said of the reason for the pricey lawsuit. “150,000 people gave us their hard-earned money, and in exchange we vowed to protect this land from racist billionaires and their dumb vanity projects.”

The statement is signed, “With great vengeance and furious anger, Cards Against Humanity,” referencing the (fictional) Bible verse Ezekiel 25:17, which appeared in cult classic Pulp Fiction.

Cards Against Humanity ends its statement with an amusing post-script: “P.S. We will also accept Twitter.com as compensation.”

At the time of writing, neither Musk nor SpaceX have addressed the allegations regarding the alleged damage to the land in Texas or the lawsuit itself.